liquid brain with no concept of beginning

So on. And. So forth. They try to carry the story along, but I’m dragging my feet – digging my heels in against progress. Most of the time I’ve spent with my eyes unfocused waiting for something to happen. Something to jolt me, but it’s nearly impossible to see through the blood. It poured from the front of my scalp and made my eyes burn. I laughed in the moment and I’ll laugh harder tomorrow about the absurdity of it all.

Once I traded in my expectations for reality things improved, but I’m not saying they’re gone. Money let’s me do the things I want and compromising (a little) my goals is acceptable today. Bit and pieces of this, that and the other are enough to get me through. The whole of one is not.

Nootropics

The lamps are helium-filled balloons resting against the ceiling. Their light is a dim yellow that won’t burn my eyes like those fluorescent cylindrical bulbs hovering over my cubical. The house is like a weather system with different dynamics all through it. I’m out back, in a strangely controlled manner, chopping a tree down and it doesn’t matter that she has vanished. I never felt so lonely as I did in her company.

I need a weapon. You all have weapons. The set list for this evening’s show is typed but typed imperfectly – with the ink slightly smudged and barely offline because I threw the typewriter against the wall in frustration. Beneath the control is a greasy mess of smoke and grime. It’s a struggle to sweep it away and place this book next to that one. I want to live a stylized version of this. Clean and simple with a lot of blue and very little dust.

It’s my bike.

Yup, here it is.

1/1/12 playlist

Black Lips – “Raw Meat”

Sic Alps – “Do You Want to Give $$?”

Sic Alps – “Cement Surfboard”

Sic Alps – “Gelly Roll Gum Drop”

Generationals – “When They Fight, They Fight”

Generationals – “Ten-Twenty-Ten”

Unknown Mortal Orchestra – “Jello and Juggernauts”

St. Vincent – “Year of the Tiger”

Unknown Mortal Orchestra – “FFunny FFriends”

In the news

When the locust swarms in Africa combine they can span 40 miles. They devour every visible piece of vegetation as the plague is seemingly in constant movement. They are straight out of the Bible except that they aren’t. It’s nature. Fucking disturbing. The buzzing and humming is enough to rip my ears off and bury myself alive to escape their wrath.

We have arrived here with cable boxes and vintage radios that are just for show. (Who can stand to see the wires strung carelessly in different directions?)  The Chandelier Ballroom is gorgeous and there is no need for electricity once we’re inside it. Light exists here without drawing any energy from the sun. I smashed the camera because what’s happened is worse than what can happen. The stress of each isn’t worth ruining right now.

Unknown Mortal Orchestra – “Jello and Juggernauts”

New Apartment Living

Sunday Morning Sunday Evening

 

821.

The paint dried forever and ever ago and is a perfect sheen. That is, no sheen, completely flat with no hint of gloss. There must be a hundred holes in the walls from amateur picture hanging but they’re easily obscured. The ceiling tilts noticeably as if the wind lifted the entire roof off and placed at an angle for a laugh. The windows are taller than they should be and the light is amazing, no dark basement corners here. The balcony is the perfect afternoon cocktail and cigarette retreat complete with park view and potted plant life. Meanwhile the back corner bedroom window is set at an angle without a screen and the ledge outside stares at the giant eucalyptus and urges you to consider everything.

Generationals – “Ten-Twenty-Ten”